love made me strong enough to be alone and set me free
but with my friends, friends til the end is where i wanna be

I am terrible at saying goodbyes...they are the worst. I am no good at hiding my sadness when it comes to goodbyes; I find myself missing things and moments before they're even over. However, it would be foolish of me to say that I don't need to let go of some things. Maybe some of these goodbyes aren't forever, but it's a start.

I AM SAYING GOODBYE TO:

1. internalizing negativity

2. nervously picking at my cuticles

3. staying up late on the internet

4. sucking in my stomach everytime i look in a mirror

5. eating when i'm bored

6. josh. as hard as it is to say this, i can't casually talk to you anymore. i really thought i could but i can't. frankly it just hurts too much and i've slowly watched/contributed to the huge divide that has grown between us. there's no denying it--we are different. i am different. maybe it's selfish of me, but i'm afraid that if i don't say this goodbye now, i'm going to lose the happy thoughts i've been trying really hard to hold on to. you probably will never read this, but maybe that's for the best.

7. feeling lonely all the time

8. not practicing my saxophone
9. expecting too much from everyone

10. procrastinating for the sake of procrastinating

11. constant anxiety

12. clinging to people who are not good or genuine friends

13. trying to sleep with a heavy heart

14. thinking so many angry thoughts

15. rarely writing in my journal

16. taking criticism so personally

17. those shoes that pinch my feet

18. forgetting to floss

19. doubting myself

20. worrying about how people perceive me

saying goodbye part deux

okay, here is my list (with particular people ones omitted):

1. Goodbye 'not good enoughs'.
2. Goodbye being dirty when its so easy to take a shower.
3. Goodbye "friends" who aren't really friends.
4. Goodbye drinking alcohol as an escape.
5. Goodbye secret eating.
6. Goodbye guilt.
7. Goodbye irresponsibility with medication.
8. Goodbye choosing sorrow over joy.
9. Goodbye wasted moments.
10. Goodbye vending machine snacks that leave me disappointed.
11. Goodbye trans-fats.
12. Goodbye dirty stale sheets.
13. Goodbye mindless internet spending.
14. Goodbye disorganization.
15. Goodbye favorite brown dress that that girl stole off my clothes line. :(
16. Goodbye procrastination.
17. Goodbye lethargy.
18. Goodbye jealousy.
19. Goodbye middle class hoarding mentality.
20. Goodbye dirty kleenexes in my book bag.
21. Goodbye unfinished books.
22. Goodbye unread/untouched books on my bookshelf.
23. Goodbye authority complex.
24. Goodbye dumbing down for the comfort/approval of others.
25. Goodbye binge eating.
26. Goodbye clutter.
27. Goodbye not speaking my mind when overhearing something disturbing. (like women/gay jokes etc)
28. Goodbye fear of going to the doctor.
29. Goodbye self-destructive tendencies.
30. Goodbye grass-is-greener thinking patterns.
31. Goodbye writing/thinking blocks.
32. Goodbye self debilitation.
33. Goodbye rotten vegetables and fruits in my refrigerator.
    

saying goodbye

since today I have made a promise to myself to try and be better...a better person, a better student, a better girlfriend, a better friend, a better artist, etc etc etc, (i made halloween weekend the marker of last mistakes...kinda) i figured that this would be a good assignment to do today.

Assignment #70 Say goodbye.

Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. It just feels easier to keep holding on. But in the long run it's usually a good idea to let go, it's the daring thing to do. It allows room for new things, for transformation. And maybe the goodbye isn't even forever, but you can't know until you really say goodbye and mean it. In some cases, goodbye is really the end, and good riddance! For this assignment, say goodbye to all the things you need to let go of: bad habits, dead people, alive people, ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, self-destructive feelings and behaviors, jobs, projects, re-occuring thoughts, etc. It can be as long or as short as you like. And, most importantly, take a moment with each one to really say goodbye. This isn't a catalogue of your fears and faults, this is a ceremony to bid them farewell. my list to be posted soon...