Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I am terrible at saying goodbyes...they are the worst. I am no good at hiding my sadness when it comes to goodbyes; I find myself missing things and moments before they're even over. However, it would be foolish of me to say that I don't need to let go of some things. Maybe some of these goodbyes aren't forever, but it's a start.
1. internalizing negativity
2. nervously picking at my cuticles
3. staying up late on the internet
4. sucking in my stomach everytime i look in a mirror
5. eating when i'm bored
6. josh. as hard as it is to say this, i can't casually talk to you anymore. i really thought i could but i can't. frankly it just hurts too much and i've slowly watched/contributed to the huge divide that has grown between us. there's no denying it--we are different. i am different. maybe it's selfish of me, but i'm afraid that if i don't say this goodbye now, i'm going to lose the happy thoughts i've been trying really hard to hold on to. you probably will never read this, but maybe that's for the best.
7. feeling lonely all the time
8. not practicing my saxophone
9. expecting too much from everyone
10. procrastinating for the sake of procrastinating
11. constant anxiety
12. clinging to people who are not good or genuine friends
13. trying to sleep with a heavy heart
14. thinking so many angry thoughts
15. rarely writing in my journal
16. taking criticism so personally
17. those shoes that pinch my feet
18. forgetting to floss
19. doubting myself
20. worrying about how people perceive me

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